The other day we were sitting around half-ass watching television. In other words the television was on but we were both doing other things. I was in the middle of conversations with folks from my previous existence and an attempted pro-wrestler and Barbie was…well, Barbie was on her new addiction Pinterest.
“Hey”, exclaimed Barbie. ”I found this cool way to make your own t-shirt designs”
“Uh-uh”, I replied because to be honest I was only quasi-listening.
“Yeah, you get really fine grit sandpaper and draw on your design using crans and then iron it on your shirt.”
This caught my attention. ”You mean ‘crayons’?” I asked.
“Pfft, nobody says ‘crayons’. It’s crans.”
“What? ’Crans’? Really? Like some sort of Ocean Spray drink? Cran-Pomegranate? Nobody, outside of you says ‘crans’. It’s crayons. Cray…Ons. Two syllables. Like ‘A Tribe Called Quest‘ you have to say the whole thing!”
This kept on for a few minutes about who was right and ended with Barbie saying she was going to email her mom for conformation on how it’s pronounced. Her mom has avoided getting mixed up in this one…probably because she’s still laughing at ‘crans’.
The other day Barbie and I were sitting watching TV, well let’s be honest with a 7 month old in the house we really only watch two things – Baby Einstein DVDs and the toddler channel Treehouse. So in watching one of these DVDs there was a rainbow showing up on-screen and I had a flashback to my days of music class in grade school.
Without missing a beat my memory banks pulled out the words for the song “I Can Sing A Rainbow”. So, in my very best attempt to not totally butcher the song, I began singing:
“Red and yellow and pink and green, purple and orange and blue, I can sing a rainbow…”
At this moment I was cut off by Barbie. Not because I was committing auditory murder to a song that is 58 years old but because I “apparently” had the wrong lyrics.
“You mixed the colours up. It goes red, yellow, purple and blue, pink, orange and green.”
I paused for a half-second and then looked at Barbie and said “Um, no. It ends it blue. I had it right”
“It can’t end in blue. Blue doesn’t make sense, it has to end with green”, was the retort from Barbie.
This went on for about 2 or 3 minutes with the verdict being we had to ask an intellectual authority figure. Barbie emailed her mom while I went to the internet. The results were that Barbie’s mom wasn’t sure what the order of colours were but according to the internet I was right as proven by this video
On Monday night, after scrambling around collecting the garbage, recycling and compost waste, we were getting ready for bed and I noticed that Dexter the cat didn’t come running for a night treat when I let the dog outside for a final bathroom break. Not thinking a lot of it I went back upstairs and went to bed. While lying in bed I asked Barbie if she had seen the cat lately.
“No actually. He didn’t come running when I put out his dinner either but I’m sure he has eaten it.”
We laid there for a little while and I decided that no this was too weird and I was going to find the cat. I looked behind our bed – nothing. So I went to my teenage son’s room and checked his closet and under his bed – nothing. I went into the baby’s room, which you can follow those adventures at http://barbiesadventuresinmommyland.wordpress.com, and checked under the crib and in the closet – nothing. So I went downstairs to the kitchen and grabbed the bag of Temptations Cat Treats and started walking around the main floor shaking it while looking behind couches and entertainment centres all to no avail. My last check was the basement. Down I went, shaking the treat bag the whole time, and checked behind the washer, dryer, in among the boxes, behind mattresses that are stored there and could no find a single clue.
I went back up to the kitchen to put the treat bag back and noticed that the cat’s food had not been touched. Resigning myself to the fact that Dexter, who is agoraphobic, may have mustered up the spine to actually go outside for a sniff while the dog was doing her thing and was locked out there because nobody noticed him sneak outside because it is so against his normal behaviour. I made my way back to the bedroom to get changed so I could walk around and look outside and broke the news to Barbie that the cat’s food was untouched and I’m going to look outside. As I was making my way back to the stair case I realized the one place I didn’t look was in the linen closet.
I had often seen Dexter, and shooed him out there, climbing in the closet to snuggle amid the towels and blankets. I opened the door up and sitting two shelves up from the floor, laying on top of some towels was Dexter and he started letting out sympathetic “meows”. I took him out of there and downstairs to eat. He was pretty noisy that night as if he was giving both of us crap for his ordeal. So the questions lies “Did the cat come out of the closet? Or was he Trapped in the Closet?”
All the latest stories, as written by Barbie herself, can be found at the following WordPress page:
I will still occasionally put up the odd story here and there but to read about Barbie’s incidents as a new mommy you’ll have to go to the new page.
Like all things in life there needs to be an evolution and change. Barbie, who most of you know became a mom in April, has opened her own blog up about her adventures as a new mommy.
Things are just being set up right now but expect to be reading the adventures straight from ‘the mommy’s mouth’ soon.
Today I was reading the latest commmunity activity guide that came to the house. I was reading out the extreme lack of programs available for anyone over 18.
“Listen to the vast amount of activities we can sign up for”, I said sarcastically. ” We have spin classes, yoga, pilates, power half-hour and urban poling.”
“OMG, you know what that is right?” asked Barbie. “That’s that pole dancing aerobic thingie”
“Um, no. It’s some new thing where you walk around with large poles like you are cross country skiing almost.”
I then showed her a picture of it from the guide.
“You’re going to blog this aren’t you?” Barbie asked hoping I’d refuse the bait. However, I just smiled and nodded.
“Oh yeah, this is getting published”
I have to be honest considering I haven’t heard of most bands after 1992, it is a little rich for me to call Barbie musically challenged but what the heck…she is!!! As the regular readers might remember when Barbie confused Abba with Blondie and Outkast with Kanaan, click here, we had another classic music confusion last week.
Young Alexander tends to sneer his lip very akin to Billy Idol at times. So during one of these moments I mentioned how he looks very much like Billy Idol and Barbie laughed and agreed. So while I slaughtered the words to Rebel Yell with my angelic singing, or catlike screeching, Barbie had little Alexander’s arm pumping like Billy Idol’s does in the video.
When I finished singing the course of “More, More, More”, and in all honestly stopped singing all together due to not knowing the words after that, Barbie chimed in with her own song.
“School’s out for summer…”
I cocked my head sideways rather confused and queried “Alice Cooper?!?!?!?”
“Um, I thought that was Billy Idol”
“No, that’s Alice Cooper. Maybe you meant ‘Its a nice day for a white wedding’ or ‘Here she comes now singing mony, mony’?
“Uh, yeah that is what I meant”
However, I could tell by the look in her eye she was really singing “Hey Ya” by Outkast