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Technically I could have made this two posts.  The first would most certainly have qualified as a Barbie Fails story.  The second is more an insight to the shock she received when I took out with a bunch of veteran wrestlers.

For those unaware I spent a good amount of time wrestling on what is called the ‘indy’ circuit, meaning independent…basically independent of WWE.  I had stepped away back in 2004 for various personal reasons but as of late have become reacquainted with the scene.  One of my favourite promoters was retiring due to health issues and I agreed to slap on the boots, and according to Barbie way too much spandex, for one final hurrah.

A few weeks later we had a team meeting at my place of work and on the final slide, entitled questions, was a picture of me from that final match laying a beating on my opponent.  So when I came home I told Barbie all about it.  I mentioned that they had the photo up from the match where I was performing a move, made famous by The Iron Sheik, called The Camel Clutch.  This is where the Barbie-ism began.

“Is that the move where you grab him between the legs?” Barbie asked.

“Uh? Ok, first off I never grabbed that guy between the legs in that match and secondly it was the move where I sat over him and arched his back by pulling up on his chin with his arms trapped between my legs and my arms.  It’s a Camel Clutch not a Camel Toe Clutch.”

Now a few months after this there was a fundraising dinner for the Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame in Amsterdam, New York.  This is an actual physical building with great artifacts and exhibits and is controlled by a board.  Don’t confuse this with the WWE Hall of Fame that you hear about during Wrestlemania.  This dinner, and one year it was a breakfast, has been going on for about 7 years and I’ve been asked to attend from guys past and present just to hang out.  Lord knows I didn’t make enough impact to be inducted lol.

So I agreed to go this year and bought two tickets.  I had never been but based on the few photos I had seen it looked to be a semi-formal affair so I pulled out my suit and Barbie found a dress.  Turns out we could have stepped it down a notch…or three.  Some folks were dressed up, others in a more casual attire.

As we were talking to a few guys I’ve had the pleasure of working with and for I could see Barbie staring around the room in disbelief.  So I asked her what her impression was.

“That guy has a mask on. And isn’t that guy the one you helped with the ring? And why does this dude have ruby-red cowboy boots?”

“Yes that would be Mac and the guy with the masked is Dick Beyer, better known as The Sensational Destroyer. The guy in the boots is Bobby Bass, or No Class Bobby Bass when he wrestled.”

“But why does he have a mask on?”

“He wrestled in a mask so its his ‘gimmick’.”

“But why does he still have it on?”

“Simple, fans are here too and they’ve never seen his face so the only way to recognize him is through the mask.”

“And this guy?  That’s The Rock’s uncle right?”

“Yes it is.  And his name is Ricky Johnson.  Beside him is his brother, Rocky Johnson.”

This seemed to sate her appetite of curiosity.  Well until dinner time started.  The caterers at the event started bringing out items like ketchup, sour cream and cheese curds.  Barbie’s interest in the meal suddenly peaked, because I thought it would be standard fare like a roast dinner.

“Please tell me I didn’t get dressed up for poutine?”

“Honestly, we might have.”  I was laughing as I said it.

So dinner came out and there were chicken skewers, roast beef, potatoes and two items Barbie found hilarious – perogies and macaroni with cheese.  As dinner began you could see her scouring the room taking in this little soiree because she knew it was like nothing she’d ever been to or seen.  To her credit she stayed pretty calm despite having two super-fans beside her just rambling on about wrestling, the shows they’ve seen and stars they’ve met.  I’d admired her restraint because I’m not sure I’d have been as accommodating if it was a big figure skating affair we went to and I got stuck beside two folks that would ramble on about meeting Elizabeth Manley or Toller Cranston.

“Um, that guy still has his mask on.”

“Yep. I’m not surprised”

“But he’s eating.  Why can’t he take it off to eat?”

“Again there are fans here and he doesn’t want to show his face.  Hell, back in the day these guys came to the arena in a mask, wrestled and then showered in their mask.  They had different masks for each task.”

“Shut up!  They did not!”

So at this moment I leaned over to my trainer, Smith Hart of the famous Hart family, and said to him “Hey, she doesn’t believe me that these guys showered with their masks on”

Smith proceeded to tell her about guys who came and went from Calgary wrestling for his father Stu that Smith had never seen their faces despite wrestling them and sharing locker rooms with them.  You could tell she didn’t approve but accepted the answer despite it’s weirdness.  We proceeded to finish our dinner and then listen to speeches from Rocky Johnson and Sweet Daddy Siki, whom they were honouring, as well as the fine emcee skills of author Greg Oliver.

Afterwards we mingled around and talked to legends I haven’t seen in over a decade.  Guys like Siki, Destroyer, Chuck Simms, Terry Dart and Wolfman Willie Farkas.  I introduced Barbie to Rocky Johnson and Willie Farkas.  Willie used to take my 15-year-old son, who would have been 3 or 4 at the time, and teach him how to wrestle before the shows would start.  I also got to meet Tim Gerrard and a personal favourite of mine ‘Silent’ Brian Mackney.  Brian was nicknamed silent because he was legitimately deaf.  After trying this career I realized just how much harder he had to work to be good because of his condition.  However the best conversation I had that night was with High-flying Bobby Marshall.  Marshall, a Hamilton boy, wrestled in the 60’s and was a friend of another guy I used to train with ‘The Executioner’ Ernie Moore and we spoke for about 15 minutes about nothing but the great Lou Thesz.

When we left to go home, from a night I completely enjoyed but Barbie not so much, the first thing I heard was “You owe me big time.  Fancy restaurants, chick flicks, spa days…you can’t say no after this”

Pretty sure she was laughing maniacally once she said this too.

destroyer perogies rocky sheikie siki pwhf

Musical Fails…yet again

The other night we were watching an old episode of the Comedy Central show Tosh.0 featuring Daniel Tosh.  If you haven’t watched this show I highly recommend it.  Tosh’s less than politically correct comedy mixed with the internet’s petri dish of Darwin Award contenders and the videos they post makes for some great laughable moments.

During this episode somebody, and I think it was Tosh, said the line “We didn’t start the fire”.  Of course this set our little blonde jukebox into song.

“You didn’t start the fire”

Perplexed I made a comment and then asked the pertinent question.

“The line is ‘we didn’t start the fire’ and do you even know who sung that song?”  To be honest I was playing the age factor here in assuming she wouldn’t know who sung it.  To be honest I was amazed she even knew the song since it came out in 1989 when Barbie would have been 8 years old.

“Yes.  It was Billy…” And the pause occurred whilst Barbie racked her brain to find the correct artist that would correlate with the correct song.

“Billy who?  There’s only few of them.  Idol, Squires, Joel.”

“Idol.  Yeah Billy Idol.” She has stated it with a bit of pride.

“The blond spiky haired guy from The Wedding Singer who sings Mony, Mony? No try Billy Joel”

“Are you sure?” she asked.

“Positive.  He wrote the song about all the major events that happened in his life to commemorate his 40th birthday.  He also sang Uptown Girl and Piano Man.”

Barbie gave me a look at that moment which pretty much said she didn’t know those songs.

Other musical fails from Barbie are:

Confusing Alice Cooper with *drumroll*…Billy Idol can be read here

Barbie messing up the colours for the song I Can Sing A Rainbow can be found here

Barbie confusing Abba with Blondie can be found here

Barbie thinking Credence Clearwater Revival and California Raisins were the same band…although it was the same song

And lastly confusing K’nann with Outkast can be found here

Blondie_-_Hanging_On_The_Telephone_(UK) abbapic outkast knaan alice cooper billy idol outkast 2billy joel

Tonight, after dinner, Barbie and I went for a walk through the neighbourhood.  As we were walking Barbie started talking about some recent business trips she might going off on.  One of which is London, England and she mentioned how when she goes she wants to ‘do it right’ and have a pint, eat some crumpets and hit Piccadilly Circus.  During this I said to her that if she wanted to do London right she had to use London’s subway system The Tube.

“Oh no”, Barbie said.  “I can’t go on that.”

“Relax.  It much easier to use and ride than the TTC (Toronto’s subway)”, I replied.

“No, it’s not that.  It’s a terrorist attraction!”

“A terrorist attraction?” I asked.

“Yeah a place that attracts terrorists.”

“It’s not Al Qaeda-land for Pete’s sake*. Mickey Mouse in an exploding vest and all that nonsense.”

“It’s a place that attracts terrorists so it’s a terrorist attraction”

“I believe the actual term is a terrorist target not attraction”

“Whatever.  They are attracted to it so I’m not wrong”

I had to concede on that point but not without a good laugh

 

*phrase not actually used but we’re keeping it family oriented ;)

tube piccadilly images (2) Buttered_crumpet2 binladenmouse

 

On the weekend we were up at a trailer outside of Huntsville, Ontario visiting friends.  During this trip we almost had a transport to the Barbie zone.  We were sitting eating  and watching some TV, since it was pouring rain out and we were somewhat locked in, when Barbie pipped up.

“You know I was just thinking I didn’t know what Mike’s last name is.”

Mike has the trailer across the way from the one we were staying at and often sits with us during the nightly campfires, weather permitting.

“You’re kidding me” said Barbie’s friend to her. “You really didn’t know what his last name was?”

“Well, the more I thought about it I realized it had to be the same as Paul’s name”

Paul and Mike are brothers.  It was a close call and would have definitely been a better conversation piece if she hadn’t had her revelation.

A few weeks ago we were watching TV and an odd conversation about names came about and how they were related to the trade or service a person worked at.

As we went about it the name Smith came up:

“Yeah Smith was for those who were blacksmiths”, I said.

“And candlesmiths”, Barbie added.

“Candlesmiths?” I asked.

“Yeah.  You know the butcher, the baker and the candlesmith maker.”

At that moment the light bulb in Barbie’s head went off as she realized it just didn’t sound right.

“Candlesmith?  You mean candlestick maker don’t you?” I asked her.

“Um, aren’t they also a smith?” she asked hoping for a lifeline here.

“Nope.  Although next time I play Clue I will call for Professor Plum in the Billiard Room with a candlesmith.”

No wonder I get the couch a lot.

blacksmith candlestick clue-board

Hi Ho Tonto!!!

So today we were playing with our son in the living room turned toy room with all his recently acquired haul from his first birthday party last weekend.  One of his toys that he’s taken to is a Fisher-Price Little People Farm with lots of audio stimuli.  The farm itself comes with a little farmer, a horse, a cow, a bale of hay and a sheep.  Alex likes to open the gates up, because they make animal sounds, and drop things down the silo because there is a sensor at the bottom which triggers various sounds and songs.

While playing our son took the horse and was waving it around.  I had stepped into the kitchen at the time and I heard Barbie say

“Hi Ho Tonto away!”

Needless to say I stopped dead in my tracks and muttered, well maybe louder than mutter, out “Wow.  Tonto huh?”

“Yeah, he’s got the horse”, stated Barbie.

“Um, Tonto is not the horse”

“Wait, what?  So what was the horse’s name?” asked Barbie.

“Well Tonto was the Indian”, I replied.  And yes I know it isn’t PC but we all know it as Lone Ranger and his Indian pal Tonto not his native pal.

“Ooh.”  Then out of the blue Barbie had a neuron connection occur and she snapped out, “Silver!  The horse was Silver”

“Yep.  And what was Tonto’s horse called?”

“Tonto had a horse?”

“Of course he had a horse.  Did you think he ran behind the Lone Ranger in a pair of Nike’s?  The horse was called Scout”

Barbie also realized what was happening at that moment, “You better blog this one.”

And ta-da, your wish is my command!!!

lone ranger Y3677-little-people-fun-sounds-farm-d-3genie

So as I type this Barbie and I are watching “Scandal” on Netflix.  The episode we are watching they showed a flashback where the president was being sworn in.  In the show the president is named Fitzgerald Thomas Grant.  Once they announced his full-name I made the comment “Wow, all names from former presidents.”

Barbie then chimed in and said “Yep.  Ulysses S. Grant.  Edmund Fitzgerald…”

“What?  Edmund Fitzgerald was a boat”, I told her.

“Uh?  It was a person too”

“Um, a boat in a song that was sung by Gordon Lightfoot.  The president would be John Fitzgerald Kennedy hence the “F” in John F. Kennedy”

“Oh, and is it…Thomas…”

“Jefferson”, I told her.

“Oh, so not Edison”

edison Gordon-Lightfoot-wreck-of-the-edmund-fitzgerald jefferson jfk scandal

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