Ladies and Gentlemen…we have a book!!!
As a surprise to Barbie I had the blog turned into a book which includes all your favourite posts and as a bonus a few new stories that I never got to blog. On top of the Createspace link below you can also find this book on Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.eu
A few weeks ago we were watching TV and an odd conversation about names came about and how they were related to the trade or service a person worked at.
As we went about it the name Smith came up:
“Yeah Smith was for those who were blacksmiths”, I said.
“And candlesmiths”, Barbie added.
“Candlesmiths?” I asked.
“Yeah. You know the butcher, the baker and the candlesmith maker.”
At that moment the light bulb in Barbie’s head went off as she realized it just didn’t sound right.
“Candlesmith? You mean candlestick maker don’t you?” I asked her.
“Um, aren’t they also a smith?” she asked hoping for a lifeline here.
“Nope. Although next time I play Clue I will call for Professor Plum in the Billiard Room with a candlesmith.”
No wonder I get the couch a lot.
All the latest stories, as written by Barbie herself, can be found at the following WordPress page:
I will still occasionally put up the odd story here and there but to read about Barbie’s incidents as a new mommy you’ll have to go to the new page.
This pregnancy has most certainly been a trying one. Trying for poor Barbie because it’s given her more reasons to look up medical maladies and trying for me because I get to bear the brunt of these, as Barbie so eloquently puts it, ” her irrational thoughts of the week “.
Barbie had been suffering some tightness and cramping due to a combination of Braxton-Hicks contractions and the growing of all things uteral. So when explaining this problem to her OB, the doctor told her to use a heating pad to ease up the tightening of muscles and create some comfort. So out came the heating pad. For weeks Barbie would place the heating pad on her stomach when problems were starting. The funniest of all this was that Dexter, the cat, would fight her for the heating pad. Everytime she’d get up you would see the cat sneak over and stretch himself across the heating pad to enjoy a nice warm psuedo-bed.
About 9 or 10 weeks of this went by before Barbie stumbled across an article on the great and glorious internet. It turns out that the heating pad should have never been on her stomach at all but on her back. As she was reading this article the only thing missing was the voice over from Cape Canaveral.
“T-minus 10 seconds to Barbie meltdown”
Sure enough the meltdown began within seconds of her finishing this lovely piece of web-based news.
“I think I’ve melted the baby”, she blurted.
“Oh yeah,” I responded. “And why’s that?”
“I was supposed to have the heating pad on my back not my stomach.”
Like a fish I took the bait. “Go on…”, I said.
“Nobody told me it had to be my back. My stomach was the part tightening up, not my back. Nobody said anything so I’ve been heating my stomach. And now I think I’ve boiled the baby.”
At this point in the conversation I went to grab a cold beer out of the fridge. (Thank you Budweiser, you’ve been a pal these last 8 months)
“You’ve not boiled the baby”, I told her. “The baby is fine.”
“No, I think I might have boiled the baby. Or maybe cooked it’s little organs. What if I made it retarded?” (I know it isn’t PC but oh well)
“Call the doctor, tell her what you think you’ve done and I bet I’m right.”
So the next morning Barbie gets in touch with the doctor and spills her guts out. She mentions the cooking of babies, the not knowing about placing the heating pad on her back not her stomach and how distraught she was. The doctor said not to worry the baby is fine. It is very well protected in there and she would have done more harm to herself before doing any harm to the baby. At least the doctor didn’t snicker at her like she did with the brain-eating amoeba.
Happy New Year everyone.
Barbie Fails has moved to a new domain www.barbiefails.com. I am still working out the set up and trying to add the features for email subscription.
Until that time feel free to join the Facebook page www.facebook.com/barbiefails to get updates of new stories until then.