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Posts tagged ‘baby’

Hi Ho Tonto!!!

So today we were playing with our son in the living room turned toy room with all his recently acquired haul from his first birthday party last weekend.  One of his toys that he’s taken to is a Fisher-Price Little People Farm with lots of audio stimuli.  The farm itself comes with a little farmer, a horse, a cow, a bale of hay and a sheep.  Alex likes to open the gates up, because they make animal sounds, and drop things down the silo because there is a sensor at the bottom which triggers various sounds and songs.

While playing our son took the horse and was waving it around.  I had stepped into the kitchen at the time and I heard Barbie say

“Hi Ho Tonto away!”

Needless to say I stopped dead in my tracks and muttered, well maybe louder than mutter, out “Wow.  Tonto huh?”

“Yeah, he’s got the horse”, stated Barbie.

“Um, Tonto is not the horse”

“Wait, what?  So what was the horse’s name?” asked Barbie.

“Well Tonto was the Indian”, I replied.  And yes I know it isn’t PC but we all know it as Lone Ranger and his Indian pal Tonto not his native pal.

“Ooh.”  Then out of the blue Barbie had a neuron connection occur and she snapped out, “Silver!  The horse was Silver”

“Yep.  And what was Tonto’s horse called?”

“Tonto had a horse?”

“Of course he had a horse.  Did you think he ran behind the Lone Ranger in a pair of Nike’s?  The horse was called Scout”

Barbie also realized what was happening at that moment, “You better blog this one.”

And ta-da, your wish is my command!!!

lone ranger Y3677-little-people-fun-sounds-farm-d-3genie

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Charles Darwin would be proud…we’ve finished evolving!!!

All the latest stories, as written by Barbie herself, can be found at the following WordPress page:

 

http://barbiesadventuresinmommyland.wordpress.com/

 

I will still occasionally put up the odd story here and there but to read about Barbie’s incidents as a new mommy you’ll have to go to the new page.

 

Barbie Is Still Musically Challenged

I have to be honest considering I haven’t heard of most bands after 1992, it is a little rich for me to call Barbie musically challenged but what the heck…she is!!!  As the regular readers might remember when Barbie confused Abba with Blondie and Outkast with Kanaan, click here, we had another classic music confusion last week.

Young Alexander tends to sneer his lip very akin to Billy Idol at times.  So during one of these moments I mentioned how he looks very much like Billy Idol and Barbie laughed and agreed.  So while I slaughtered the words to Rebel Yell with my angelic singing, or catlike screeching, Barbie had little Alexander’s arm pumping like Billy Idol’s does in the video.

When I finished singing the course of “More, More, More”, and in all honestly stopped singing all together due to not knowing the words after that, Barbie chimed in with her own song.

“School’s out for summer…”

I cocked my head sideways rather confused and queried “Alice Cooper?!?!?!?”

“Um, I thought that was Billy Idol”

“No, that’s Alice Cooper.  Maybe you meant ‘Its a nice day for a white wedding’ or ‘Here she comes now singing mony, mony’?

“Uh, yeah that is what I meant”

However, I could tell by the look in her eye she was really singing “Hey Ya” by Outkast

2 billy idol alice cooper outkast 2

What’s My Name?

A few days after Barbie had given birth she was out at the local Wal-mart with her mom.  While shopping an older lady approached her to fawn over the baby.  While cooing over the child the lady posed the question –

“How cute.  What did you name him?”

Normally this would be a simple question that the majority of people could answer really quickly.  Unfortunately for Barbie, she had literally come out of the hospital the day previously and was working on about 8 hours sleep over the last 3 days.  So naturally her response was a little slow.

“Um…his name is…um…mom?”

“His name is Alex”, came in mom with the tag and rescue.

Lydia name tag

“I Should Have Gotten A Puppy”

I have to deeply apologize for not updating this blog since April 16th however we have had a whirlwind month and a bit.  On April 22nd Barbie and I had a baby boy named Alexander who weighed 6lb 13oz.  Since then we’ve had a few Barbie-esque moments, and as anyone who has had children before can attest, time has not really been much of a freedom when you have someone looking to eat every 2 to 3 hours and needing diaper changes every 2 hours as well.

So we’ll start at the beginning – the day of delivery.  Barbie checked for inducement at 8.00am on the 22nd at the local hospital.  By 8.30am everything was set in motion.  By 1pm I had arrived at the hospital from work to take part in the ‘miracle of birth’.  Things were moving along rather slowly and discussions had started about using pitocin, epidurals and manually breaking Barbie’s water.  So we waited, and waited, and waited for nature to take it’s proper course.

By 4pm the OB/GYN came into the room and decided that he didn’t want to wait any longer.  He took a seat like he was playing Texas Hold’em and before I knew it a sound akin to the River Nile was in the room.  So the water was broke and things finally were set in motion…so I thought.

By 7pm not a single thing happened.  So step number two occurred.  One of the nurses came in and hooked up am pitocin IV drip to speed things up.  Actually it turns out to have been oxytocin, which should not be confused with oxycontin as any lady who has been in labour can attest to.

By 8pm the anesthesiologist came in to insert the epidural drip.  Realistically the whole procedure should have taken 15 to 20 minutes.  Instead we had 3 attempts, 3 different holes and a pregnant Barbie who was very sore, very agitated and not a happy camper with the fact that 45 minutes later this guy still couldn’t get the epidural to take.  Eventually Barbie, who had been sitting up and leaning at a 30 degree angle against me, told him “I’ve had enough, you need to stop.”  Defeated the anesthesiologist did the walk of shame out of the room.  Barbie muttered painfully at this moment “I should have gotten a puppy instead”.

The sitting up had actually done more for Barbie than any of the previous attempts as she opened up from 4cm, as of 8pm, to a whopping 9.5cm by 8.45pm.  At about 9.15 one of the assistant nurses came in and asked Barbie to give a little push to see where the baby’s head was in terms of coming out.  So Barbie pushed as requested and the nurse went “Whoa, you need to stop.  That was a great push and this kid’s ready to come out.”  She grabbed the first nurse walking past and told her get the O.B. down here now.

By 9.21 the doctor arrived and and things went like wildfire.  To start with the bed transformed from being a bed to being a bed with stirrups.  It was the wildest thing.  The bottom third, where the legs would be obviously, slid out and collapsed.  Then these two legs popped up with stirrups on them.  The doctor then slide his chair in and took a position like Johnny Bench playing catcher for the Cincinnati Reds.  Barbie started pushing and pushing.  After about 20 minutes of pushing the head started to crown out.

At the moment the head was coming out the doctor, for reasons only known to him, decided he was working fo Ipsos Reid and took a poll.  Looking around the room, starting with me, he asked everyone what they thought the baby was a boy or a girl.  I said a boy, Barbie’s mom said a girl, Barbie’s cousin said a girl would be nice but a boy and finally Barbie, when asked, what she would like, answered simply

“I just want it out.”

Five minutes later the new born baby boy was out and Barbie wasn’t so focused on having a new puppy instead.

puppy johnny bench nile baby optimus prime

Barbie gets a little tongue-tied

On Saturday there was a tragic incident in Toronto at the Eaton Centre shopping mall downtown.  Sadly, a complete idiot decided to fire a gun off in a crowded mall in an act of revenge on some people and in the process hurt many others.

One of those injured was a pregnant lady who was trampled in the rush of people who were running out of fear since the shooter decided, instead of shooting the people he was having issues with, shot his first bullet into the air and thus created a human version of the chaos theory with everyone running like frightened gazelles.  On a positive note, both the mother and newly born child are doing well.

As we were discussing the story the topic of the pregnant lady came up.  Barbie, with a little bit of disgust in her tone of voice, spoke of her displeasure of the crowd’s behaviour.  “I can’t believe they trampeded a pregnant woman.”

“Oh, no kidding”, I said.

At this moment I clued in that something wasn’t quite right.  With my head cocked at a slight angle, much like a confused dog, I asked the question “Wait, what did you call it?  Trampeded?!?”

With a little less certainty Barbie answered.  “Well, I meant Stampled.”

I started snickering at this moment having been witness to another verbal screw up.

With some frustration Barbie groaned, “Argh! Why can’t I say the words I want!!!”

I have to admit she may have gotten it right after that sentence but I couldn’t hear a word poor Barbie was saying.  I was laughing to hard for her to be heard for about the next 20 minutes to be honest.

 

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