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Barbie’s Bibical Blunders

Well folks we came home and we started talking about the latest posting (Barbie Meets Cain).  I mentioned how there was a free e-book on the Kobo site that was a children’s Bible (for the record the kid’s Bibles are written in today’s English unlike the actual Bible) and Barbie went and got the actual children’s Bible she had on her bookshelf.

As she was flipping through the book she started asking me where she would find certain stories like Cain and Abel and Noah’s flood.  While we were flipping through Barbie came across a story called “On The Borders of Canaan”.  This is where it got good.

“Hey look.  The borders of Canaan (but she pronounced it like K’naan the rapper).”

“Um, that’s Canaan”

At this moment she started singing “Hey Ya”.  I looked at her and before I even said anything Barbie went “This isn’t K’naan is it?”

“Nope, Outkast”

“Oh well”, and she went back to singing Outkast.

If one wants to hear K’naan then click here



Barbie Meet Cain

Last night after coming home from dinner with some friends I was telling Barbie about my discussion with the local door-to-door Religitarians on Saturday when I was out in the garage.  So I was telling her about the picture they showed me and mention how that could be our street, with the fields, rivers, sunny skies and people all smiling while singing and dancing.  I also mentioned at this point that I couldn’t believe that picture would be my street because there are no houses and after years of hearing polka during Oktoberfest there was no way anyone would be having that much fun listening to accordion music.  The Religitarian then went on to read a few verses from Psalms and told me that God would make this happen.  “Man wasn’t capable of ending wars.  It would need to be God that did it.”

At this point I mentioned how I wanted to tell the man God had promised to stay out man’s affairs (Genesis 8:20-22) after he flooded the Earth and had made Noah save the animals two by two but figured I’d best keep my mouth shut so that the guy could finish his spiel, I could wish him well and see him off.  So he carried on with his scripture lesson and then offered to leave some pamphlets and a book.  I told Barbie “I told him ‘No Thanks.  I have two Bibles in the house that get read’.”

Barbie then looks at me and goes “No we don’t”.  I reminded her that I owned two Bibles and I had read them.  “Oh right”, Barbie said.  “Yeah I have a kid’s one somewhere I’ve never read.  Maybe we should see if they have a children’s Bible foe the e-reader.  Then I can learn all about that Horatio guy”

I admit that I have read the Bible but I don’t have it memorized, although I do remember the majority of the stories.  Horatio, however, was not one I remembered.  “Horatio?  Who the heck is Horatio”, I asked.

“You know that guy.  The one who killed his brother.”

“You mean Cain?  Like in Cain and Abel?”

About 10 seconds of uncomfortable silence passed when Barbie then slowly added “Uh, yeah.  I meant Cain…you know…Horatio Cain”

“That’s the clown in CSI:Miami“, I blurt out.

“Well he has Cain in his name”, Barbie retorted.

“Yeah, but I’m not sure it’s spelt the same way.  And he definitely wasn’t called Horatio.”

“Well he could have been”, Barbie debated.

“Oh yeah, I can just imagine.  Cain kills Abel and then next thing you know this ginger twit shows up going ‘What I think we have here is murder’ and flips up his bloody sunglasses”, I responded.

Barbie just looked at me and went “It could have happened like that.  After all, you weren’t there so you don’t know”

I am going to look for that children’s Bible in e-reader version now.


Barbie and the Garden of Eden

On Friday, as we got off the GO Train and were walking to our respective places of employment, Barbie, another train friend and myself were discussing office Christmas functions.  During this discussion it was mentioned how last year Barbie’s brother had attended the play Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat at Stage West.  We talked about how Barbie’s brother had to have it explained to him that there were two Joseph’s in the Bible – Joseph, with his coat of many colours, and Joseph, Jesus’ dad.  I never mentioned Joseph of Arimathea to him to save on the confusion of a third Joseph.

At this point Barbie explained, “I went to nursery school once, but told my mom that it was silly and I saw no point in colouring in apples.”

I looked over at Barbie and asked, “Nursery school?  Are you sure it wasn’t Sunday school?”

“Oh yeah, it was Sunday school”, Barbie said.  “But both were held in the church.  Anyways I still think colouring an apple was stupid.”

“Well, the colouring of the apple would have been the simple lead in for the story of the Eve, the apple and how she tricked…”

Barbie interrupted here with one of her outstanding Barbie-isms “Oh, Johnny Appleseed right?”

“WHAT!!!  Johnny Appleseed?  No, Adam.  The story of Adam, Eve, the serpent and the apple from the Tree of Knowledge.  You know the forbidden fruit that got them kicked out of Eden?”, I retorted back.

“Um, no I don’t think I know that one”, said Barbie.  “So who is Johnny Appleseed then?”

“American frontiersman.  Went around the country planting apple seeds to introduce apples to America.” I told her.

“Didn’t they already have apples in America?”, she asked.

“In areas but he took it to areas that didn’t have apples.”

“Oh, so what the apple and Eve thing?”, Barbie asked.

“When God created man and woman they lived in the Garden of Eden.  The devil, in the disguise of a snake, told Eve that she should take an apple from the Tree of Knowledge and feed it to Adam.  Eve questioned it but the snake told her that God didn’t want them to eat the apple because it would make them Gods.  They ate the apple and realized they were naked and covered up.”

“Oh this is the whole fig leaf thing right?”, Barbie asked.

“Yep.  Anyways, God saw them covering up and asked why.  They mentioned their nakedness ashamed them.  So for violating his order God banished them from the Garden of Eden.”

“Ohhhh”, said Barbie.  “So Johnny Appleseed really had nothing to do with it at all then did he?”


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