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Posts tagged ‘car’

Barbies who will never be confused with Magellan

The other night we were sitting around watching television when Barbie decided to make dinner.  It seems that Barbie had found a neat little Tex-Mex rice dish on-line and she wanted to try making it and see if it was any good.  So we made up some taco seasoned ground beef, rice, and vegetables which were then thrown into a casserole dish topped with nacho chips and cheese.

“Dinner’s ready”, Barbie said.  “Maybe we can watch it with that show we’ve been watching.  What’s it called…Justified.”

“Sure, I’ll turn on Netflix”, I answered.

“Yep, a Tex-Mex meal while we watch Texas marshals”, Barbie said.

I was rather confused by this and let Barbie know that.  “You do realize this show takes place in Kentucky right?”

“What do you mean?  He has cowboy hats and boots.  Plus he has an accent.”

“Everyone south of Cincinnati has a southern accent.  The Carolinas, Georgia, Tennessee, Louisiana…all have southern accents.”

“Well that puts a damper on having a theme dinner doesn’t it”, Barbie stated as she walked back to the kitchen for the food.

This, however, reminded me of an instance when I use to drive up and down the US east coast wrestling.  I was driving down to the Blue Ridge mountain area of North Carolina and I stopped at a rest station in Virginia.  This gas stop was advertised as the last one before the state line.  So I filled up and went it to pay for my gas when I had the following conversation:

“I’m looking at the map here and it looks like the state line is about an hour and a half or possibly two hours away.  Is that about right?”, I asked of the attendant.

With what can be described as ‘deer in headlights’ the lady behind the counter stared at me and with a stereotypical southern drawl responded “Oh, I don’t know.  I don’t get out a lot”

To say I was flabbergasted would be putting it mildly.  “Shouldn’t information like this be part of your training orientation?  Being the last gas station and all?”

I was met with a look that told me I had reached the intellectual capacity of this poor soul and just left my money on the counter and walked away.

  

Engineering Barbie and Reconstructive Surgery

The other day we were sitting around at lunch and talking about accidents and the damage they can cause. This great conversational piece came about from the safety video a had watched about overhead cranes. During this conversation Engineering Barbie curried in about her friends experience.

“I had a friend who had to get reconstructive surgery after a car accident. You’d never knew she had it done except she looks different now”

We all sat around a little dumb-founded after that.

OMG, Where is my purse?

Yesterday was a rather trying day for Barbie at work for many reasons but the Barbie Fails moment came at the end of the day.

As the day came to a close Barbie went to get her purse as she was packing up to leave for the day.  Since the workstations have drawers for you to put your belongings in, desks are not permanent but rather signed out by employees so you may not have the same desk daily, Barbie had placed her purse inside the drawer that seemed to correspond with her desk.  From here I give you the play-by-play in Barbie’s own words:

When I realized my purse was trapped in the bottom drawer, I exclaimed
“OMG, my purse is locked in the drawer and Karen’s gone home for the
night”. Laury and I ran to the window of the 26th floor and saw that her
car had already left the Roy Thompson Hall parking lot. I ran to find
another lady with the hope of finding a spare key, but upon searching
her collection, we noted it was missing. Laury called someone else to
see if they had a key; also came up empty. At that point, we started to
laugh uncontrollably and decided it was the funniest thing that had
happened all day.

My purse spent the night, alone, locked in the bottom drawer.

And the offending co-workers version of events, after they had realized what happened:

Very sorry…I didn’t even think you were using the drawers as I saw
your backpack on the floor and thought that’s all you had..I used that
set of drawers as there is no key where I was at, it won’t happen again,
I’m so sorry.

The best part of all this was a somewhat flustered, yet in good spirits, Barbie getting into my car explaining what had happened and then realizing “I have no money, no I.D., no cell phone and no car keys.  So it’s a good thing you’re the one driving”.

For the record I’m always the one driving when it comes to going to Toronto for work 😉

  

Colour Blind and Spatially Challenged

Ok folks this is a two for one deal today since I’ve been rather neglectful in posting.

So on Sunday we were driving to Guelph and Barbie was eating an apple in the car.  She finished the apple and decided she would toss it into the field since were on a country road, and let’s remember before the littering comments start that it is biodegradable.  So she rolls the window down and decides to toss it with her left hand.  Now please envision this as Barbie was sitting in the passenger side of the car, is right-handed and could have easily put her arm out the window and just let go.  That would be the easy way.  Barbie decided to go the hard way.  She took the apple in her left hand and swung it across her body to throw the apple out the window.  However, as she released the apple it ricocheted off the inside door frame and rebounded into gear shift casing and then fell to the floor.

“I thought you played baseball?”, I asked.
“I did play baseball” she says defensively while tossing the apple out this time. “That was my wrong hand”
“You were all off 6 inches from the window and missed?  And why wouldn’t you just use your right hand?”
“Whatever, it’s out the window now.”

I continued to drive on still laughing my head off, and  to be honest Barbie was giggling herself at the fiasco that occurred.  The irony in this is Barbie used to be a pitcher for the town she lived in and school she went to.

 

PART TWO….

Last night as we were winding down for the evening Barbie says to me, “Are we going to go up and read for a while?”

“Yeah absolutely”, I said.  Being a nerd I will always take time to read a book and Barbie was deeply engrossed in The Hunger Games book on her e-reader.  So upon hearing this she did a little mock clap but almost like a seal with her finger tips bent back as if she was trying to not let her nails touch.

“What are you Paula Abdul?”, I asked since Paula always has this stupid looking clap on American Idol.

“No.  But Randy Savage has really put on a lot of weight again”, Barbie says.

“Randy Savage?  He’s dead”

“Oh…Jackson.  I meant Randy Jackson.  He’s the heavy black one on Idol right?”

“Yes he’s the one on Idol”, I answer while shaking my head, “and Savage is the pro wrestler who recently died.  And yet again you managed to confuse a white guy with a black guy.”

“Right.  But I got it right eventually.”

And she triumphantly she walked away to go to bed.

  

First Day Of Christmas Break

Happy New Years Readers.  As a closing out of 2011 I am going to tell the story of poor Barbie’s first day of her Christmas vacation this year.

On Monday, last week, Barbie started her annual two-week sabbatical from her job.  Barbie’s little dog has recently been diagnosed with a partial ACL tear in her rear leg and to try to minimize the stress to the injury Barbie decided to carry her dog down the steps.  As she was making her way down the stairs Barbie pulled a Barbie.  She slipped and went down the last couple of steps bruising her forearm on the banister railing and on the steps she bruised her bum.  The dog was fine however. Click here for a link to a hilarious video of other people falling too 😀

After kicking the day off to such a bang, Barbie went out to her bank to do some transactions.  Upon leaving the bank she noticed a big, black garbage bag in the middle of parking lot.  After reversing, and now having the bag in a blind spot, Barbie got ready to head home.  Having cleared the bag, or so she thought, Barbie placed the car in drive and proceeded to leave the parking lot.  However, she didn’t clear the bag at all.  Barbie’s front wheels hit the garbage bag, and luckily for her, all that was in it was styrofoam chip used for packing boxes.  With the explosion of the chips Barbie’s car was now covered in a protective layer of foam chips.

That night, while at figure skating, Barbie wiped out doing a jump and during the rotation landed completely wrong.  Upon landing she bruised up her leg quite nicely, or quite sorely if you take her perspective, and thus proving that bad things do happen in sets of three.

  

Bay Street Banker Ken and Busboy Ken…combined might make a triple digit IQ

The first story I heard today on the GO train as Barbie and I were traveling into work.  So sitting in the four seats ahead of us were four guys who work in the Bay Street area of Toronto.  One of them told this story of what happened to him on Friday after work:

Banker #1 “So you guys should hear what happened to me this weekend”

Banker #2 “Why what happened?”

Banker #1 “Well, we start pulling into Georgetown and I realize I can’t find my car.  I’m looking everywhere and then I realize I drove into work that morning”

Banker #3 “No.  How much did that cost you?”

Banker #1 “It cost a lot.  First I had to cab it home and get my kid ready for his hockey.  Then we had to cab it to the arena and home.  When my wife came back later that night I had to get her to drive me downtown to get the car.  And of course I had exceeded the time limits for early bird parking and had to pay regular rates which were huge.  Man, I’m never going to do that again”

At this point the four men laughed and got off the train but I have the sneaking suspicion that it’s not the first time he’s done this and that his three friends have probably done it at least once as well.

 

Story number two comes from my sister who works in a restaurant in Kitchener.  She sent me the following email.

Our busboy goes into the fridge (not big 10′ x 4′ at most) looks around and then says to me when I opened the door

“Where’s the ice?”.

I had to shake my head and then pointed to the stand up freezer that is right beside the walk-in fridge.
He’s a 5th year in highschool…..scary if he is our future.

Barbie needs facial recognition programming

Today while driving home from the train station Barbie started telling me about the trip to the book store that she had taken with a co-worker.  While at the bookstore Barbie stumbled across the hot selling pseudo children’s book Go The F**k To Sleep” by Adam Mansbach.  So I mention that I had heard of this book and on Youtube there is an audio reading of the book by Samuel L. Jackson and it was hilarious.

We then started talking about other things that had happened that day and then Barbie goes “I can’t wait to get home and listen to Morgan Freeman read the story”.

I openly admit that I took that same look that your pet dog has when confused, yep the one where you sort of cock your head to one side while looking completely stunned and thinking “WHAT?!?!?!?”
However, I managed to stay composed enough to ask “Don’t you mean Samuel L. Jackson?”

“Uh?”, was the immediate response and followed with, “Well, they both have gravelly voices”

“No they don’t, in fact they sound very different.  Jackson has a gravely voice but Freeman doesn’t”, was my retort back.

“Yeah they do….don’t they?  Well they are both black!  And they both do voice over work!” and at that moment the lights came on and even Barbie knew that another Barbie moment had been created.

“Both black?  Yeah but distinctly different sounding and looking people!  However it would be funny if they had that other guy read it out, damn what’s his name, you know Darth Vader!  The guy who did the voice over for CNN, you know ‘This is CNN’.”

“You mean Dick Butkus?”

“Dick Butkus?  He’s a big, scary white dude”, I replied.

“Oh.  Well I guess that wouldn’t be right…but he has a gravelly voice right?”

I had to concede that Dick Butkus does have a gravelly voice.  At this time we pulled into the gas station and Barbie started to fill her car up.  As she began she opened the back door up and goes “Luther Vandross!”

I looked over and went “Luther Vandross, while black, most certainly does not have a deep voice and never voiced over anything.”

So she closed the door and finished filling up the gas tank while I sat there pondering in my head on the name that eluded me.  As she gets into the car and ready to drive away she gives it one more stab and goes “Craig T. Nelson”

I shook my head and went “No.  He’s a white guy too”

“Well he has one of those threesie style names!  You know yadda yadda yadda.”

“Yes he does”, and in a moment of clarity I remembered who it was and said, “but its James Earl Jones.  However since you knew it was a triple shot name how in earth did you come out with Luther Vandross?”

Some what sheepishly she replied “Well it has lots of syllables”

I will admit, in her defense, she hasn’t slept well in the last 2 nights which tends to create these moments we enjoy.  However this isn’t the first time that she hasn’t confused faces if you remember the Michael Moore/Kevin Smith moment of ‘They are both fat’ or the Bert/Ernie moment of ‘They are both made of felt’.

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