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Barbie – Master of the Smoothie

The other day for lunch, Barbie decided that she was going to go the healthy route and make herself a smoothie to quell her appetite.  Being somewhat of a pro at these things (since she tends to make them at least once a week, it seems), Barbie went and grabbed all her ingredients and utensils required.  Out came the Magic Bullet, the frozen yoghurt and the frozen berries and fruits.

Barbie loaded the fruits and berries into the Magic Bullet, added some yoghurt and prepped the Bullet to be the creator of smoothies.  However, before starting on this divine creation for her lunch, Barbie began to clean up…sort of.

Barbie proceeded to zip up the bag of frozen berries and took them to the freezer.  As she put the bag into the freezer a minor continental shift occurred with the Earth’s tectonic plates – or so Barbie would like me to believe.  The bag, by some form of miracle, shifted when being placed in the freezer setting off a chain reaction.  Following the shift Barbie witnessed the frozen yoghurt being knocked out of the freezer as if being part of some weird nutritious game of King of the Hill.  This was not the end of the chain reaction, unfortunately.  Next came the bag of fruit and I do mean the same bag that started this reaction.  The bag managed tipped over and emptied all over the kitchen floor.

Barbie stood there and stared at the menagerie of fruit scattered over the kitchen floor.  It took a minute, possibly two, of staring dumb-founded at what had just occurred in front of her very eyes.  Once reality kicked back in and Barbie accepted what happened, she decided, “I better clean this up”.

So Barbie went to get her broom and dustpan with the hopes of cleaning up.  Well, even the best laid plans suffer a hiccup sometimes, and in this case, that hiccup was that the fruit had begun thawing.  As Barbie was sweeping up her spill, she began to notice that the raspberries, blueberries and mangos were leaving colourful streaking across the kitchen floor.

Barbie opened up the freezer door again and noticed some unsuccessful escapees were scattered amongst the shelving of the freezer.  Picking out the stray bits from the shelving Barbie managed to get her freezer cleaned up and resettled the formation of the products inside.  However, this was not the end of the cleaning.  Poor Barbie had to wash the broom and dustpan out to remove the residue left by the varying fruits so she took them outside and sprayed them down with a hose.  Then came the kitchen floor clean up, which at this point was looking almost like a scene from Dexter or CSI.  After washing the floor, Barbie then noticed that pieces of raspberry had made their way on the carpet in the living room and she then proceeded to scrub the carpet as well to prevent staining.

Finally, after all was said and done, Barbie was able to make her smoothie although I’m sure it tasted a little bitter after the experience.



Barbie Meet Cain

Last night after coming home from dinner with some friends I was telling Barbie about my discussion with the local door-to-door Religitarians on Saturday when I was out in the garage.  So I was telling her about the picture they showed me and mention how that could be our street, with the fields, rivers, sunny skies and people all smiling while singing and dancing.  I also mentioned at this point that I couldn’t believe that picture would be my street because there are no houses and after years of hearing polka during Oktoberfest there was no way anyone would be having that much fun listening to accordion music.  The Religitarian then went on to read a few verses from Psalms and told me that God would make this happen.  “Man wasn’t capable of ending wars.  It would need to be God that did it.”

At this point I mentioned how I wanted to tell the man God had promised to stay out man’s affairs (Genesis 8:20-22) after he flooded the Earth and had made Noah save the animals two by two but figured I’d best keep my mouth shut so that the guy could finish his spiel, I could wish him well and see him off.  So he carried on with his scripture lesson and then offered to leave some pamphlets and a book.  I told Barbie “I told him ‘No Thanks.  I have two Bibles in the house that get read’.”

Barbie then looks at me and goes “No we don’t”.  I reminded her that I owned two Bibles and I had read them.  “Oh right”, Barbie said.  “Yeah I have a kid’s one somewhere I’ve never read.  Maybe we should see if they have a children’s Bible foe the e-reader.  Then I can learn all about that Horatio guy”

I admit that I have read the Bible but I don’t have it memorized, although I do remember the majority of the stories.  Horatio, however, was not one I remembered.  “Horatio?  Who the heck is Horatio”, I asked.

“You know that guy.  The one who killed his brother.”

“You mean Cain?  Like in Cain and Abel?”

About 10 seconds of uncomfortable silence passed when Barbie then slowly added “Uh, yeah.  I meant Cain…you know…Horatio Cain”

“That’s the clown in CSI:Miami“, I blurt out.

“Well he has Cain in his name”, Barbie retorted.

“Yeah, but I’m not sure it’s spelt the same way.  And he definitely wasn’t called Horatio.”

“Well he could have been”, Barbie debated.

“Oh yeah, I can just imagine.  Cain kills Abel and then next thing you know this ginger twit shows up going ‘What I think we have here is murder’ and flips up his bloody sunglasses”, I responded.

Barbie just looked at me and went “It could have happened like that.  After all, you weren’t there so you don’t know”

I am going to look for that children’s Bible in e-reader version now.


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