Just another WordPress.com site

Posts tagged ‘fail’

Musical Fails…yet again

The other night we were watching an old episode of the Comedy Central show Tosh.0 featuring Daniel Tosh.  If you haven’t watched this show I highly recommend it.  Tosh’s less than politically correct comedy mixed with the internet’s petri dish of Darwin Award contenders and the videos they post makes for some great laughable moments.

During this episode somebody, and I think it was Tosh, said the line “We didn’t start the fire”.  Of course this set our little blonde jukebox into song.

“You didn’t start the fire”

Perplexed I made a comment and then asked the pertinent question.

“The line is ‘we didn’t start the fire’ and do you even know who sung that song?”  To be honest I was playing the age factor here in assuming she wouldn’t know who sung it.  To be honest I was amazed she even knew the song since it came out in 1989 when Barbie would have been 8 years old.

“Yes.  It was Billy…” And the pause occurred whilst Barbie racked her brain to find the correct artist that would correlate with the correct song.

“Billy who?  There’s only few of them.  Idol, Squires, Joel.”

“Idol.  Yeah Billy Idol.” She has stated it with a bit of pride.

“The blond spiky haired guy from The Wedding Singer who sings Mony, Mony? No try Billy Joel”

“Are you sure?” she asked.

“Positive.  He wrote the song about all the major events that happened in his life to commemorate his 40th birthday.  He also sang Uptown Girl and Piano Man.”

Barbie gave me a look at that moment which pretty much said she didn’t know those songs.

Other musical fails from Barbie are:

Confusing Alice Cooper with *drumroll*…Billy Idol can be read here

Barbie messing up the colours for the song I Can Sing A Rainbow can be found here

Barbie confusing Abba with Blondie can be found here

Barbie thinking Credence Clearwater Revival and California Raisins were the same band…although it was the same song

And lastly confusing K’nann with Outkast can be found here

Blondie_-_Hanging_On_The_Telephone_(UK) abbapic outkast knaan alice cooper billy idol outkast 2billy joel

Barbie Doesn’t Do Terrorist Attractions

Tonight, after dinner, Barbie and I went for a walk through the neighbourhood.  As we were walking Barbie started talking about some recent business trips she might going off on.  One of which is London, England and she mentioned how when she goes she wants to ‘do it right’ and have a pint, eat some crumpets and hit Piccadilly Circus.  During this I said to her that if she wanted to do London right she had to use London’s subway system The Tube.

“Oh no”, Barbie said.  “I can’t go on that.”

“Relax.  It much easier to use and ride than the TTC (Toronto’s subway)”, I replied.

“No, it’s not that.  It’s a terrorist attraction!”

“A terrorist attraction?” I asked.

“Yeah a place that attracts terrorists.”

“It’s not Al Qaeda-land for Pete’s sake*. Mickey Mouse in an exploding vest and all that nonsense.”

“It’s a place that attracts terrorists so it’s a terrorist attraction”

“I believe the actual term is a terrorist target not attraction”

“Whatever.  They are attracted to it so I’m not wrong”

I had to concede on that point but not without a good laugh

 

*phrase not actually used but we’re keeping it family oriented 😉

tube piccadilly images (2) Buttered_crumpet2 binladenmouse

 

I Can Sing A Rainbow…well Barbie thought she could

The other day Barbie and I were sitting watching TV, well let’s be honest with a 7 month old in the house we really only watch two things – Baby Einstein DVDs and the toddler channel Treehouse.  So in watching one of these DVDs there was a rainbow showing up on-screen and I had a flashback to my days of music class in grade school.

Without missing a beat my memory banks pulled out the words for the song “I Can Sing A Rainbow”.  So, in my very best attempt to not totally butcher the song, I began singing:

“Red and yellow and pink and green, purple and orange and blue, I can sing a rainbow…”

At this moment I was cut off by Barbie.  Not because I was committing auditory murder to a song that is 58 years old but because I “apparently” had the wrong lyrics.

“You  mixed the colours up.  It goes red, yellow, purple and blue, pink, orange and green.”

I paused for a half-second and then looked at Barbie and said “Um, no.  It ends it blue.  I had it right”

“It can’t end in blue.  Blue doesn’t make sense, it has to end with green”, was the retort from Barbie.

This went on for about 2 or 3 minutes with the verdict being we had to ask an intellectual authority figure.  Barbie emailed her mom while I went to the internet.  The results were that Barbie’s mom wasn’t sure what the order of colours were but according to the internet I was right as proven by this video

 

Charles Darwin would be proud…we’ve finished evolving!!!

All the latest stories, as written by Barbie herself, can be found at the following WordPress page:

 

http://barbiesadventuresinmommyland.wordpress.com/

 

I will still occasionally put up the odd story here and there but to read about Barbie’s incidents as a new mommy you’ll have to go to the new page.

 

Barbie and Urban Poling

Today I was reading the latest commmunity activity guide that came to the house. I was reading out the extreme lack of programs available for anyone over 18.
“Listen to the vast amount of activities we can sign up for”, I said sarcastically.   ” We have spin classes, yoga, pilates, power half-hour and urban poling.”
“OMG,  you know what that is right?” asked Barbie. “That’s that pole dancing aerobic thingie”
“Um, no. It’s some new thing where you walk around with large poles like you are cross country skiing almost.”
I then showed her a picture of it from the guide.
“You’re going to blog this aren’t you?” Barbie asked hoping I’d refuse the bait. However, I just smiled and nodded.
“Oh yeah, this is getting published”

image

image

Barbie and the Brain Eating Amoeba

Hello everyone.  It has been a very long time since I’ve put any story up and it most certainly isn’t because we haven’t had Barbie moments but more because in the pursuit of obtaining certification as a Project Manager I was taking two different night school courses, which are over (thank God).

So a few weeks back, probably around 8 weeks ago to be honest, I got an email from Barbie at my work because she was somewhat flustered.  It seems that Barbie had ingested a brain eating amoeba…or so she thought.

Barbie, at the time, was suffering somewhat of a nasal condition and was using Hydrasense to flush out her sinuses to reduce infection.  Enter the moment when Rod Serling does his Twlight Zone voice over and the familiar musically twang hits…yes we’ve hit “The Barbie Zone“.

It seems that Barbie had run out of Hydrasense, not surprising if you remember the Bukkake story,  and decided on doing a homemade Neti Pot.  So Barbie boiled some water, let it cool off and made a nasal rinse using some sea salt.  After creating this concoction she performed her Charlie Sheen impersonation and performed a nasal rinse from it.  So far so good.  It was after this that all plans went to pot.

Barbie, with her ever vigilante internet medical searches, found this article which describe a brain eating amoeba found in tap water.  Of course having read this article Barbie was convinced she had contracted it.  However, after reading this article (which she read as well) remember the following:

  • the deaths were in Louisiana
  • less than 10 reported cases occur per year (in the US)
  • the highest number of reported incidents were 8 in 1980
  • the amoeba is a warm water friendly amoeba with very rare cases reported north of the Mason-Dixie Line

To make a long story short I received a rather panicked email from Barbie concerned because she had found out this information but, of course, after the nasal rinsing had taken place.  No matter what was said I couldn’t settle Barbie down from the fact that she may have ‘snorted’ a brain eating amoeba.  In fact it might have been easier to give a logical explanation as to how all the grass is freshly cut inTheWalking Dead than have Barbie believe that she wasn’t in harm’s way from this homemade nasal rinse.  So the count down began since the amoeba would kill a person in 7 days.  Barbie went as far as emailing the town to find out the chlorination levels of water treatment because certain levels would kill the amoeba.  She also asked her OBGYN about it and that didn’t go so well (only because the good doctor laughed at her).

So the longest week of my life then began.  With each passing day I would hear about the countdown – “I might die in 6 days”.  Of course I never believed it but someone did (nudge, nudge, wink, wink).  So day after day went by and numbers slowly dropped with an anticipation I can only expect was matched by the original moon landing.

To say the least, nothing happened to Barbie.  We are now working on about day 60+ after the nasal rinse but I will testify how bent out of shape Barbie was.

neti pot hydrasense walking dead

 

Hydrasense Bukkake

Happy New Year readers.  Yesterday this site past the 1,000 view marker and to be honest I never thought I could hit that in under 10 months time like I have.  So a big thanks to all the readers, and here is the latest adventure:

 

Today while I was at work Barbie was at home convalescing from her battle with a bad cold and sinus infection that has been troubling her for about a week now.  As I was working away I got an email from Barbie which caused me to laugh so hard I almost spit my drink out all over my keyboard…which would have been the second thing to be sprayed, but that’s jumping the gun.  Here is the email as it came to me:

While trying to put the Hydrasense nose spray in my nostril to clear my sinuses out, I pulled my face back too soon and shot it all over my face.  I have a mint/eucalyptus spray in my eye.

When I finally got to speak to her and ask about it she said, “Have you ever used one of those things before?”
“Yes”, I told her.
“I didn’t know they were so powerful.  I mean it was whoosh! and then it was all over my face.”

Instantly I started laughing again and Barbie turned away…and I think she might have muttered a certain 7 letter word starting with an “A” in my direction too.

  

Tag Cloud