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Posts tagged ‘gas’

Barbies who will never be confused with Magellan

The other night we were sitting around watching television when Barbie decided to make dinner.  It seems that Barbie had found a neat little Tex-Mex rice dish on-line and she wanted to try making it and see if it was any good.  So we made up some taco seasoned ground beef, rice, and vegetables which were then thrown into a casserole dish topped with nacho chips and cheese.

“Dinner’s ready”, Barbie said.  “Maybe we can watch it with that show we’ve been watching.  What’s it called…Justified.”

“Sure, I’ll turn on Netflix”, I answered.

“Yep, a Tex-Mex meal while we watch Texas marshals”, Barbie said.

I was rather confused by this and let Barbie know that.  “You do realize this show takes place in Kentucky right?”

“What do you mean?  He has cowboy hats and boots.  Plus he has an accent.”

“Everyone south of Cincinnati has a southern accent.  The Carolinas, Georgia, Tennessee, Louisiana…all have southern accents.”

“Well that puts a damper on having a theme dinner doesn’t it”, Barbie stated as she walked back to the kitchen for the food.

This, however, reminded me of an instance when I use to drive up and down the US east coast wrestling.  I was driving down to the Blue Ridge mountain area of North Carolina and I stopped at a rest station in Virginia.  This gas stop was advertised as the last one before the state line.  So I filled up and went it to pay for my gas when I had the following conversation:

“I’m looking at the map here and it looks like the state line is about an hour and a half or possibly two hours away.  Is that about right?”, I asked of the attendant.

With what can be described as ‘deer in headlights’ the lady behind the counter stared at me and with a stereotypical southern drawl responded “Oh, I don’t know.  I don’t get out a lot”

To say I was flabbergasted would be putting it mildly.  “Shouldn’t information like this be part of your training orientation?  Being the last gas station and all?”

I was met with a look that told me I had reached the intellectual capacity of this poor soul and just left my money on the counter and walked away.



Barbie needs facial recognition programming

Today while driving home from the train station Barbie started telling me about the trip to the book store that she had taken with a co-worker.  While at the bookstore Barbie stumbled across the hot selling pseudo children’s book Go The F**k To Sleep” by Adam Mansbach.  So I mention that I had heard of this book and on Youtube there is an audio reading of the book by Samuel L. Jackson and it was hilarious.

We then started talking about other things that had happened that day and then Barbie goes “I can’t wait to get home and listen to Morgan Freeman read the story”.

I openly admit that I took that same look that your pet dog has when confused, yep the one where you sort of cock your head to one side while looking completely stunned and thinking “WHAT?!?!?!?”
However, I managed to stay composed enough to ask “Don’t you mean Samuel L. Jackson?”

“Uh?”, was the immediate response and followed with, “Well, they both have gravelly voices”

“No they don’t, in fact they sound very different.  Jackson has a gravely voice but Freeman doesn’t”, was my retort back.

“Yeah they do….don’t they?  Well they are both black!  And they both do voice over work!” and at that moment the lights came on and even Barbie knew that another Barbie moment had been created.

“Both black?  Yeah but distinctly different sounding and looking people!  However it would be funny if they had that other guy read it out, damn what’s his name, you know Darth Vader!  The guy who did the voice over for CNN, you know ‘This is CNN’.”

“You mean Dick Butkus?”

“Dick Butkus?  He’s a big, scary white dude”, I replied.

“Oh.  Well I guess that wouldn’t be right…but he has a gravelly voice right?”

I had to concede that Dick Butkus does have a gravelly voice.  At this time we pulled into the gas station and Barbie started to fill her car up.  As she began she opened the back door up and goes “Luther Vandross!”

I looked over and went “Luther Vandross, while black, most certainly does not have a deep voice and never voiced over anything.”

So she closed the door and finished filling up the gas tank while I sat there pondering in my head on the name that eluded me.  As she gets into the car and ready to drive away she gives it one more stab and goes “Craig T. Nelson”

I shook my head and went “No.  He’s a white guy too”

“Well he has one of those threesie style names!  You know yadda yadda yadda.”

“Yes he does”, and in a moment of clarity I remembered who it was and said, “but its James Earl Jones.  However since you knew it was a triple shot name how in earth did you come out with Luther Vandross?”

Some what sheepishly she replied “Well it has lots of syllables”

I will admit, in her defense, she hasn’t slept well in the last 2 nights which tends to create these moments we enjoy.  However this isn’t the first time that she hasn’t confused faces if you remember the Michael Moore/Kevin Smith moment of ‘They are both fat’ or the Bert/Ernie moment of ‘They are both made of felt’.

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