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Posts tagged ‘hospital’

“I Should Have Gotten A Puppy”

I have to deeply apologize for not updating this blog since April 16th however we have had a whirlwind month and a bit.  On April 22nd Barbie and I had a baby boy named Alexander who weighed 6lb 13oz.  Since then we’ve had a few Barbie-esque moments, and as anyone who has had children before can attest, time has not really been much of a freedom when you have someone looking to eat every 2 to 3 hours and needing diaper changes every 2 hours as well.

So we’ll start at the beginning – the day of delivery.  Barbie checked for inducement at 8.00am on the 22nd at the local hospital.  By 8.30am everything was set in motion.  By 1pm I had arrived at the hospital from work to take part in the ‘miracle of birth’.  Things were moving along rather slowly and discussions had started about using pitocin, epidurals and manually breaking Barbie’s water.  So we waited, and waited, and waited for nature to take it’s proper course.

By 4pm the OB/GYN came into the room and decided that he didn’t want to wait any longer.  He took a seat like he was playing Texas Hold’em and before I knew it a sound akin to the River Nile was in the room.  So the water was broke and things finally were set in motion…so I thought.

By 7pm not a single thing happened.  So step number two occurred.  One of the nurses came in and hooked up am pitocin IV drip to speed things up.  Actually it turns out to have been oxytocin, which should not be confused with oxycontin as any lady who has been in labour can attest to.

By 8pm the anesthesiologist came in to insert the epidural drip.  Realistically the whole procedure should have taken 15 to 20 minutes.  Instead we had 3 attempts, 3 different holes and a pregnant Barbie who was very sore, very agitated and not a happy camper with the fact that 45 minutes later this guy still couldn’t get the epidural to take.  Eventually Barbie, who had been sitting up and leaning at a 30 degree angle against me, told him “I’ve had enough, you need to stop.”  Defeated the anesthesiologist did the walk of shame out of the room.  Barbie muttered painfully at this moment “I should have gotten a puppy instead”.

The sitting up had actually done more for Barbie than any of the previous attempts as she opened up from 4cm, as of 8pm, to a whopping 9.5cm by 8.45pm.  At about 9.15 one of the assistant nurses came in and asked Barbie to give a little push to see where the baby’s head was in terms of coming out.  So Barbie pushed as requested and the nurse went “Whoa, you need to stop.  That was a great push and this kid’s ready to come out.”  She grabbed the first nurse walking past and told her get the O.B. down here now.

By 9.21 the doctor arrived and and things went like wildfire.  To start with the bed transformed from being a bed to being a bed with stirrups.  It was the wildest thing.  The bottom third, where the legs would be obviously, slid out and collapsed.  Then these two legs popped up with stirrups on them.  The doctor then slide his chair in and took a position like Johnny Bench playing catcher for the Cincinnati Reds.  Barbie started pushing and pushing.  After about 20 minutes of pushing the head started to crown out.

At the moment the head was coming out the doctor, for reasons only known to him, decided he was working fo Ipsos Reid and took a poll.  Looking around the room, starting with me, he asked everyone what they thought the baby was a boy or a girl.  I said a boy, Barbie’s mom said a girl, Barbie’s cousin said a girl would be nice but a boy and finally Barbie, when asked, what she would like, answered simply

“I just want it out.”

Five minutes later the new born baby boy was out and Barbie wasn’t so focused on having a new puppy instead.

puppy johnny bench nile baby optimus prime


Bolshevik Ken and The Metal Conundrum

For those unaware I work in a metal shop making parts for one of the research hospitals in Toronto and my usual story time subject is Barbie, who works at one of the bank head offices in Toronto as well.  So this story actually involves me and not Barbie this time.

This morning I was writing up S.O.P’s, which are Standard Operation Procedures, for the various machines I am responsible for because our Occupation Health and Safety department has decided that they require copies for their records.  While typing these forms up one of the contractors here at work came into my shop.  This gentleman is responsible for building a motion platform in one of the research labs and apparently some of their pieces didn’t fit properly.  So he comes into my shop looking for me to do some retrofit modifications to his parts and in his Russian accented voice says to me:

“My friend, I need these modified to this”, and he pulls out a drawing that they have hand written some changes on.  “I have 4 of these in total”, he says.

So I look at the pieces, which are metallic but painted so I’m not sure whether it was cast iron or steel and better yet if steel what type and was it heat-treated.

“You can place them on that work bench”, I say pointing to the nearest mill.  “What kind of material is this?”

He stands there and looks at me for a little while and says “Oh, they are metal”.  And this he turns and leaves as I stand there thinking to myself that this is a flipping machine shop and everything here is metal.

I swear I must have some sort of magnetic draw to conversations and incidents like this.


Research Assistant Ken and the Solid Pipe

I was going to tell this story yesterday but since it was the 50th post I had to tell a Barbie related story, and since I’ve still got a few backlogged that I haven’t written I figured it was a good time to spill one out.  However, this story is about a co-worker of mine who is rather fond of the blog and laughs a lot at them when he hears them.  And now, due to a momentary lapse of synapse connection, he is going to be immortalized as a guest post.

My place of work is one of the premier research hospitals in North America, and the top one in Canada.  The tasks I have are to build prototypes of various devices, designed to assist patients and medical staff, that are tested and eventually put to market.  One of these projects that we were building involved a metal frame bent into shape with various diameter pipes.  One of the pipes wasn’t holding the form it was designed to hold so we figured we’d bend some new pipe with a thicker wall and better stability.

As we were trying to manually bend the pipe without crimping it, because our pipe bender is out of commission at the moment, my co-worker came out with a suggestion of such magnitude and brilliance that I heard angels sing from the heavens…or maybe just the extreme loudness of my laughter.

“Hey”, R.A. Ken says, “instead of using these pipes here wouldn’t the project be much stronger if we use a solid pipe?”

“If we use a what?”, I asked incredulously.

“A solid pipe.”

“A solid pipe?”, I asked again.

“Yeah a solid pipe.  That would make it way stronger and spring back wouldn’t it?” Ken asked.

“A solid effin’ pipe?”

“Yeah a solid…pipe…”, Ken repeated rather slowly as you could see the lights start to brighten inside his brain.  “Dammit, you know what I meant.  And you’re going to blog this aren’t you?”

“Oh yeah you know I will”, I said.  “A solid pipe hahahaha.”

I walked back to office laughing my head off and really wondering whether a university degree is actually a good thing.


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