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Posts tagged ‘mum’

Barbie Has A Meltdown – Chernobyl style

Yesterday was a very eventful day here in Barbie World.  It started with the morning medicating of her dog Chelsea, who is a Shetland Collie.  On Tuesday it was confirmed that Chelsea had a doggie version of an ACL tear in her right hind leg.  So on Thursday Chelsea went into surgery for the repairs to be done which is actually called ‘Tightrope CCL Surgery’.  One of the three medications sent home was Rimadryl, which is a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug used as a pain-killer for dogs.  The bigger problem with Rimadryl is the fact that it is somewhat toxic to cats and Barbie, of course, owns a cat.

So on Friday morning while feeding the dog her Rimadryl, which she was supposed to take a full pill and half of another pill, by mixing the medication with some Beneful wet-food for the dog.  However, as anyone who has owned two pets, you can’t feed one without the other.  So Barbie proceeded to feed the cat some of his wet food.  This is where the panic and eventual meltdown started.

So I came down the stairs to make some morning tea and there is Barbie in full panic and almost in tears.  “I think I’ve killed the cat”, where the words I was met with.  Of course when I looked over her shoulder there is Dexter, the cat, sitting on his little table eating and as content as anything.

“Um, no you didn’t.  He’s sitting right there as happy as Larry”, I said to her.

“No, I’ve killed him.”

“How in the heck did you kill the cat this time?”, I asked.  Note I said this time.  We have gone down this path before, including one incident where she thought the cat had been licking at a spot in the floor that Barbie had cleaned with Javex.

“I fed Chelsea and gave her the Rimadryl”, she blubbered out.  “And…”, I stated.

“And I used the same fork for both their meals and I think he might have got some medication too.”

“What do you mean you think he got some?  Isn’t it a pill?”

“Yes but the half pill might have stuck to the fork and now I’ve killed the cat.  I have to call the vet and get his stomach pumped.”

“No we don’t.  The pill didn’t stick to the fork.  And the cat will be fine”

So this went on for a few more minutes with Barbie getting more and more upset to where the tears had started.  About this time Barbie’s brother arrived at the house and the whole conversation above started again.  Only this time more agitated and stressed out on Barbie’s end.  Her brother would eventually ask how do you know that’s toxic to the cat and the answer came “I looked it up on the internet.  And I poisoned him.  And he’s going to get seizures, and his kidney’s will fail and…”

“Oh lord, you need to stay off the internet.  In fact we should take the internet away from you”

At this point Barbie’s mum had called and things just snowballed even more.  When Barbie got on the phone the water works started again as she tried to tell her mum she had killed the cat.  As we sat listening to Barbie tearfully mumble her story all we could hear on the other end was her mum going “What?  Start again.  I can’t understand a word you’ve said”.

So Barbie went through the story at least two more times before she was actually coherent enough to be understood.  Once the story came out Barbie’s brother and I could just hear this loud burst of laughter from the other end of the phone.  Apparently Barbie’s mum also found this as humorous as the rest of us…well except Barbie she wasn’t humoured as all.  When we finally got Barbie settled down she adamantly stated “If my cat dies all of you arseholes are chipping in to buy me a new one”.

The rest of the day was uneventful until bed time when Barbie removed her contacts and then 30 seconds later tried to remove them again and scratched her eye resulting in her having to wear glasses for today.  As a follow-up here are some of Barbie’s internet research follies:

  1. panicked that she poisoned the cat with Rimadryl
  2. thought she had developed Parkinson’s when her hands started shaking (it was a hyper-active thyroid)
  3. thought she had developed lymphoma when she thought her lymph nodes had swollen (it was due to some close shaving in her grooming it turns out)
  4. her dog’s limp was originally a grass seed trapped in her paw and worked its way into her leg (another internet find)
  5. the cat ate a small metal ring, used for making bracelets, and it was going to rip his intestines open
  6. the dog started vomiting, after my mum gave her a sausage, and Barbie was convinced it was a twisted stomach and not just an intolerance to the sausage

So as you can see Barbie is a little bit of a hypochondriac and the internet is at times the worst enemy instead of being a tool of resource.



My mum + Barbie moments = A night of shaking my head

Last night my dad turned 63 and for his birthday Barbie and I arranged to take him to dinner.  We arrived at my parents’ house last night, around 5.30ish, to pick them up and head to the local pub.  With it being a Friday, and being his birthday probably didn’t hurt, my dad had started the festivities a little early with some rye and cokes.

So, after a couple of beers and my dad have 2 or 3 drinks himself, we set off to the local for some drinks and food.  Barbie, who wasn’t drinking, drove everyone over to the bar in my parents’ Kia Rondo.  When we got there my dad told Barbie to back into one of the spaces and Barbie told him “Oh no, I don’t do reverse parking.  I do forward parking”.  Now, anyone who has ever been in the car with Barbie when she tries to reverse in can attest that it is not a thing of beauty to watch but rather painful.

Succumbing to the pseudo peer pressure coming from my dad Barbie decided she’d back up into the parking spot, which luckily for all of us was actually 5 spots that were empty.  So as we pull up to the spots Barbie stops directly perpendicular to the parking spaces, in essence forcing a 90 degree turn needed to back into the spot.  “Well, I can see why you aren’t good at reversing, you’ve completely cut off your angle”, my dad chimes in.

“That’s why I drive in”, Barbie added.  So she began to back up and turning the wheel.  Attempt number one ended with Barbie being parked on the middle of the line between two spots.  “Oh, that didn’t work so well”, Barbie states.

As she goes and starts to drive forward my dad adds in the comment “You see those two things there?”
He was pointing to the side mirrors when he asked.  “If you look in them you can see the lines.”
“I never really use them”, Barbie admitted.  My dad started laughing while I sat in the back shaking my head for the first time that night.

Attempt number two began with Barbie driving forward and attempting to line herself up with the cars in front of her as she figured she could just drive straight back if she was aligned.  Smart idea and to be honest I can’t fault that logic, however, the best laid plans as the saying goes.  Barbie felt comfortable and competent in her vehicular placement and then proceeded to place the car in reverse.  So far so good but that only lasted about 3 seconds.

As the car started moving backwards Barbie began turning the wheel.  Unfortunately for Barbie she didn’t need to move the wheel all that much and she would have been in the space, although probably not exactly in the middle.  That didn’t happen though.  Barbie spun the wheel too much and wound up right back where she started – on top of the yellow line straddling two spaces.  Shaking my head yet again I mentioned that I would get out and go get our table.  My dad said “Right, let me show how this is done”.

Barbie, my mum and myself were standing outside the car while my dad got into the driver’s seat, keep in my he had a few drinks to boot, and pulled the car forward, then backward and in one stab managed to get the car straight smack in the middle of the parking spot.  Getting out of the vehicle my dad said “Let’s go eat”, and I have to admit I was snickering a little.

As we were sitting around the table with the first round of beverages were on table, Guinness for the men, vodka and water for my mum and cranberry and soda for Barbie.  It was decided that we’d just feast on a bunch of appetizers instead of ordering actual meals for the night.  We then proceeded to decide which appetizers to feed on and the shake my head moment number three arrived.  My mum while looking at the menu came across something referred to as Tattie Fritters  Supreme, which is thinly sliced battered potatoes deep-fried with cheese and bacon topping them.  Up seeing these my mum went “Oh, I think I’d like to try these Tittie Fratters”.  Barbie caught this faux pas and mentioned “I think you mean Tattie Fritters not Tittie Fratters” while starting to giggle.

I really don’t think I can allow these two women out in public, with access to alcohol, anymore.




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