The adventures continue…but with Barbie’s friend today. Barbie’s friend, Tracy, with having a bit of romance with her husband Todd.
While enjoying some ‘marital relations’ Tracy developed a bit of a muscle cramp. Trooping on she fought her way through it for while but eventually the ‘coitus related injury’ became too sore and Tracy needed to switch things around from the position they were in.
So Tracy, meaning well, told Todd “I’m starting to cramp a little here, can we switch over to the stationary position?”
Todd, admittedly confused, asked “Stationary or missionary? I know the latter but not so much the other one unless you just plan on not moving at all during this.”
The other day we were out at Pizza Hut getting dinner and Barbie’s brother was with us. In honour of the actual Barbie doll’s family we’ll call him Todd since this was the name given to the figure who was made as Barbie’s younger brother from 1965-71 (thanks to Google and Wikipedia for that).
So for those you who don’t know Todd, he’s a bit of a smartarse and likes to make one-line comments to get a reaction from people – a heatseeker if you will. So as we are sitting at the table with our food Todd makes the remark to Barbie, and one that cuts all women to the bone, of:
“Take it easy on the food before your ass gets too big to fit through the door”
Now, having been the witness to many of these comments and verbal jarring between the two siblings, my immediate thought was that Barbie was going to reach across the table smack her brother and call him one of many names ranging from ‘jerk’ to ‘asshole’. But that is not what happened. Instead Barbie’s retort was:
“Well I’m eating for two now”
Well Todd’s jaw dropped quicker than when Phil ‘The Drill’ Williams recorded the fastest knockout in boxing history over Brandon Burke. And for the first time ever Todd was caught speechless. After about 30 seconds of the awkward silence from her brother Barbie confessed that she’s not pregnant and we carried on with the meal.
Fast forward 24 hours to the next day and Todd comes by Barbie’s house to hang out and drink some beers. Instantly the ribbing starts when he begins bugging Barbie about the ‘pregnancy gag’ by telling her:
“Well, I think you need to cut back on the junk food and eat healthier for little Todd Jr”
I stood there looking at him like I had misheard what was said. Slowly I added
“You do realise the for the baby, if there was one, to be Todd Jr means that you, Todd, would have to be the father then?”
Tood stood there looking like a deer in headlights as you could see the gears in his head working triple speed and trying to remember his Grade 10 biology lesson about Gregor Mendel and the peas.
“Oh. Yeah that would be weird and completely trailer park. Do you think you can at least put Todd in his name then?”
So I think for Christmas I might have to buy Todd the following book: